Is it irresponsible to base school decisions on whether the state has a Pinkberry within five miles of it’s campus city?

The other day a friend asked me,  “If you had to jump off of a bridge, would you do it?”

“No.”

“But you have to.”

“No I don’t.”

“The question says you have to.”

“There is no situation where that would be plausible,” at which point she walked away with an exasperated sigh.

I told her it was a stupid question and here is why: In my book, having to do something means there is no other option than to do that specific thing.  But I can think of no type of twisted scenario where the only option would be to jump off of a bridge because there is no such thing as a situation with only one option.  Sure, consequences result from decisions and sometimes maybe consequences make the correct choice obvious and blah blah blah, but you never have to do anything.  If I don’t jump, does someone push me?  Even if that’s the case, I didn’t jump and that proves that I didn’t have to.  If I had to choose between jumping off of a bridge or being shot in the face, well, then, I guess at that point I’d have to weigh my options.  But even then, I could choose the being shot in the face fate and, once again, I wouldn’t have had to jump off of a bridge.

“So you wouldn’t jump?”

“It depends what would happen if I didn’t.”

“”It doesn’t matter.”

“It absolutely matters because there is no situation where there wouldn’t be an alternative option.”

“I hate you.”

We took the dogs outside for a brief play time in the snow this morning, a move I thought would be met with extreme opposition, dog legs flying in eighteen different directions, and lots of crying.  But the pups tolerated it and actually, I think, had fun. For about five minutes.  Thankfully that was enough time to snap some photos. Here are some of my favorites:

Aww herro.

There really is no perfect place to begin the explanation of where I’ve been the past, I don’t know, six months.  I could conjure up a ridiculously frivolous and far more exciting story than the one I’m about to tell.  Instead I’ll just cut the crap and say that I’ve been in the midst of a complete overhaul of my life without really even realizing it until I found myself knee deep in a proverbial shitstorm of insanity.

To understand my story it’s important to point out that I’ve been less than enthusiastic about life since moving from Los Angeles to the Midwest.  I won’t dwell on this fact because most of the people in my life already know how I feel and I don’t blame any of you who’ve grown tired of my incessant ‘I hate everything’ bitch fests.  And it’s extremely important to point out that it has less to do with Minneapolis and more to do with the fact that I just haven’t been content with waking up at 8 everyday, going to work, heading to the gym, walking my dog and going to sleep to do it all over again.  My purpose in life has never been to settle into a comfortable 9-5, have 2.5 kids and a house on the lake.  I’m certainly not saying there is anything wrong with wanting those things.  I’m not even saying I don’t want those things, but I grew to know what to expect out of every single day and very rarely did something surprise or challenge me to the point where it motivated me to make myself better.  Working 60 hour work weeks isn’t bad when you believe in what you’re working for.  But when  you lose your sense of purpose, well, that’s rough.  And it feels far worse to realize that you’re not even coming close to living up to your true potential.  I push the envelope.  It’s what I do and, frankly, it’s what I’m best at and I haven’t had a single moment in the past year where I’ve felt that I’ve made a difference or done something truly extraordinary.

Minneapolis is beautiful.  Our downtown, while not devoid of problems, is both clean and relatively efficient on it’s good days.  Our architecture is not only gorgeous but our newer developments are some of the most sustainably planned in the nation.  (Minneapolis ranked 11th among the nation’s top 50 ‘greenest’ cities in a 2008 Popular Science survey.  St. Paul came in at a close 12th.)  I love cities and I adore buildings.  My favorite thing is to explore urban areas, to turn up the music and just get lost, to truly learn what makes them tick, from the ground up.

Six months ago I made the huge decision to pursue law school and intend to enroll next fall, in 2010.  I have no idea where that will be and I am so excited to see what possibilities  come my way.  I’ve spent the past two and a half years studying urban planning and sustainable real estate and infrastructure development.  Maybe in a future life I should be an architect.  In this life, however, I am going to use my law degree to improve our cities.  I started two years ago and I can’t think of anything that would be more rewarding in the future.  I can’t think of a single thing that’s more interesting to me right now, at this moment in my life, and I know that probably makes me a huge nerd, but I don’t think the crazy kids at NASA ever really worried about what other people thought. I may not be the most glamorous, wealthiest, or socially proficient person you’ve ever met.  In fact, I’m usually a pretty huge calamity on a fairly consistent basis. But I truly believe I work harder, fight longer and perform better than the average bear.

About a month ago, my job as an editor came to an end.  It was a huge turning point for me and after a few days of sulking, I decided that enough was enough.  Since then I’ve picked up a full-time job that I’m actually very excited about and I plan to continue working retail in the evenings and on Saturdays.  My plan between now and classes next fall is to work, every waking moment, and to prepare for the next big phase of my life.  It’s time to pay off my credit card.  It’s time to take some big steps that haven’t been possible due to lack of funds.  It’s time to get shit under control because next fall, it’s game on.  I have no idea where I will be nine months from now and I hope you will come along for the ride.  Thanks to everyone who has stuck around, periodically checked in and harassed my lack of focus.

Tomorrow I take the LSAT for law school admissions.  I’ve taken countless practice exams, spent six months doing nothing but working and studying, and I can honestly say that for the first time since  The Big Cross Country Move I feel as though my hard work is starting to pay off.  Bring it on.

Today I had to help a transvestite try on pants.

Let us take a brief moment to remind ourselves that “mayor” and “major” are actually two very different words that are not interchangeable. I will now use each in a sentence.

Mayor Moe is a very renowned psychologist.

Major Moe is very persuasive in his use of torture techniques.

Do we understand the difference, world? Can I get an AMEN?

Moe is obsessed with his tennis ball.

Summer 2009

Moe adores his rope.

So it makes perfect sense, then, that he would show no interest in his new tennis ball and rope love child.

Fucking Fail