While trying to maintain consciousness on the subway this morning I noticed a chip in my pretty pink nail polish. Bastard! I just painted that shit Sunday! See below for crappy photographic evidence of my misfortune:
My nail dilemma caused me to consider the fact that us ladies frequently drop our hard earned cash on manicures that really only last us a couple of days before chipping. I’m not one of those patient enough to reapply nail enamel every few days, but I enjoy changing the color frequently. My desire to be lazy is in direct conflict with my love for fun nail colors. Example: I am in a “red” mood and briefly considered painting my nails red this evening, only to realize that “Damn! I don’t want to have to tailor my outfits to red nail polish for the next week!” Nor do I posses the patience to apply and re-apply a different color in a few days. Well damn. What’s a girl to do? That’s when it hit me, the idea for The Nail Polish Incinerator-or-Regenerator.
WordPress is being a dick and won’t let me upload a pdf unless I use it as a link, so click incinerator-or-regenerator and then read along.
The premise is simple.
Step 1: Insert polished nails into the Incinerator Machine. (I.M.)
Step 2: Remove. Viola! No more polish! (Pretty fab, right?) It gets better. (May notice some slight burning. Hey. We all have problems.)
Step 3: Out loud announce the shade you wish your nail to magically become. Re-insert hand. Remove. Neat! The polish magically bonds itself to your nails. You’re ready to go!
A few notes:
- Not suitable for babies.
- Do not mix with alcholol.
- This could prove fatal.
- The Nail Polish Incinerator-or-Regenerator is illegal in 79 countries, excluding Mexico.
Tags: my bad ass invention, nail polish incinerator or regenerator
November 19, 2008 at 3:21 pm |
Ok, this is hilarious and really showcases your copious free time. I’m jealous.
But I have to ask, did you intentionally make the fingers shorter every time that the hand was reinserted? Or can you just not draw very well? Hopefully it’s the former because that is FAR funnier.
November 19, 2008 at 3:24 pm |
I should also probably mention that I made the drawing on the subway. I also photographed my nail on the subway. I’m certain the man next to me was frightened.
November 19, 2008 at 3:25 pm |
P.S. The shorter fingers are to represent the flesh eaten away by each insertion to the incinerator.
November 19, 2008 at 3:33 pm |
Dude, you should patent that shit ASAP. Ha, ha, ha….Love the explanatory diagrams.
November 19, 2008 at 3:40 pm |
I’d probably buy just because it is illegal…
November 19, 2008 at 3:47 pm |
Yeah… ummm… I’ll just stick to biting my unpolished nails.
November 19, 2008 at 6:04 pm |
I kinda want that machine, and I’m a dude. I just like gadgets. I don’t want to paint my nails… Maybe I can give it to the girlfriend? How much does it cost?
November 19, 2008 at 6:34 pm |
Love how it could prove to be fatal.. I hate it when the nail polish chips when you’ve just got them done.
November 19, 2008 at 10:58 pm |
Homie, that’s fucking bomb. I love the pdf. Can you imagine what would happen if you put a baby’s hand in there? Whatever wasn’t cut off would be COVERED in polish.
Patent that shit.
November 20, 2008 at 7:28 am |
genius! i would totally risk losing life & limb. in the meantime i’ll just stick to my current regimen of never painting my fingernails.
November 20, 2008 at 9:08 am |
I hate things you cant mix with alcohol
November 20, 2008 at 9:44 am |
What an active imagination, and lovely drawing skills!
November 20, 2008 at 11:55 am |
yes and yes. i’m so lazy and it seriously pisses me off when they chip in a day….oooh…madness.
November 21, 2008 at 10:47 am |
This post is timely. I’ve been in a “red” mood myself lately but can’t deal with the constant taking it off part when I want a different color. Wish it were as easy to switch as jewelry & accessories!