Monday coffee: because you indulge me

Wow. Some of you have really outdone yourselves on these questions. (Ahem. Josh.) I think I requested everyone stick with two questions, tops, but some of you can not follow directions. I like it.

FYI: Reader questions are in bold, while my answers are recorded for posterity through the use of a normal typeface. Except for this sentence right here. Carry on.

joshlos is a smart ass. (Something I highly support.) Before I begin answering questions I would just like to share with you a few words from our Bloggy Blog World friend:

Wait. I can get fined for not cussing? You’re like the opposite of the FCC. You must give me leniency on my first offense, for I haven’t the cash on hand to pay such steep fees.

A: The answer is an emphatic “yes,” you can most definitely be fined for not cussing, and “no,” I can not cut you slack regarding the fees. If I give you preferential treatment I must give it to all. I sincerely apologize for the inconvenience and really hope you don’t get evicted from your home.

Please excuse me for not submitting any questions for the inaugural Monday Coffee Q&A. To make up for my failure to interrogate you properly last week, this week I’ve compiled an extensive list of questions you may address if you wish. Feel free to answer none of them, feel free to answer them all, or feel free to answer a few now while saving others for a slow week in the world of your Monday Coffee Q&A. Thank you kindly in advance for complying, or, well, even failing to comply.

He’s kinda cute, right? Single ladies, go flirt with Josh. Anyway, I have chosen three of Josh’s ELEVEN questions to answer today:

* How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

Not as much as your mom. That is always the answer.

* You’re from Wisconsin. Even if you’re not really a sports fan, you have to like the Packers, right? Isn’t Packers’ fanship indoctrinated into schoolchildren throughout the state?

Yes, it is. But no, I’m not. Good God, I’m not. I despise the Packers with a passion. The green & gold induce me to vomiting and hives. I have been called many things, but a “Packer Fan” is not one of them. To be entirely honest, I identify myself as a Minnesota Vikings fan. Before you all gasp in horror and thoughts of blasphemy, let me explain that it’s the fault of both my father and Boyfriend (as are most things, right?) Both of these influential people grew up in Minnesota. It’s quite simple really: The Vikings will be on in our houses, I have the choice to hate it, or embrace it. I chose the latter. Not to mention, Adrian Peterson is a god. And I would totally do him. Again.

* What are your favorite “dirty rap” (your words) songs and/or rappers? What other kinds of music do you listen to, aside from Josh Groban?

I love all genres of music, but because I’m a Bad Ass Mother Fucker (BAMF) I bump Three Six Mafia, Lil Wyte, Snoop Doggy Dawg, Bun B, Atmosphere (Minneapolis, represent!), Nas, Dr. Dre & Jay-Z (Obvi!), to name a few. The Old-School Eminem is also my husband, as I find him extremely fuckable. Other artists I enjoy, but do not desire to sleep with, include Counting Crows, Linda Eder, Something Corporate (lifetime favorite), Snow Patrol, Ween, Alanis, Oasis, Michale Buble, and Fiona Apple. I also throughly enjoy all show tunes. My personality is best explained through the dichotomy between gangsta rap and show tunes. Figure that one out. They are my two, true, passions. Aside from Doritos, but that’s a given.

Andy asked:

What’s the craziest thing you’ve done that you wish you could attribute to alcohol, but in fact was a sober moment?

What are you trying to do, get me incarcerated? I would like to say that my friends and I were drunk the time that we rolled a boulder out of a moving car while driving up a hill at roughly 40 mph. I would also like to say that my friends and I were drunk when we decided to attempt driving on an ice skating rink. I would also like to say that I was drunk when I bought two dogs six months before graduating college. But alas…that would be incorrect. I could go on and on.

If you were to get rhinoplasty, which celebrity nose would you want yours modeled after?

Andy, Andy, Andy…there will be no nose jobs in my future. What I would like, though, is to become best friends with Angelina Jolie. I wouldn’t mind having her nose. Or the rest of her for that matter. I would so totally become lesbian for a day.

cruxine Says:
So by asian cartoons.. do you mean Japanese Anime?

No. God no. Maybe, I guess? The Asian cartoons I particularly enjoy are the ones with Pokemon-esque animal characters that make adorable little squeaking noises. Those are my fav, yo.

spleeness Says:

How do you get to/from work? If in a car, what kind of car?

*Sigh* I’m not “allowed” to drive. After crashing two cars within a 3 month time span I have been reduced to taking the subway. For example, this weekend (rather than letting me borrow the car) Boyfriend elected to drive me 45 minutes out of his way. Something about “not wanting to bail me out of jail for involuntary manslaughter at 4am.”) PSsssh.

Name a gift(s) that made you teary.

During our senior year of high school my best friend made me a framed collage of photos from a trip we took to New York City that also included a couple other key photos from our junior/senior year. It was perhaps the most heartfelt gift I have ever received and I still really love it.

artichokeshavehearts asked:

What’s your ultimate comfort food?

Mmmmm, my mother’s lasagna, hands down. She makes it for me every time I go home. The other thing that immediately comes to mind, and this is totally bizarre, is white rice topped with nothing but butter, salt, and pepper. I eat it all the time. As a meal. By itself. Because I’m insane.

Also, Miss Artichoke had a birthday this weekend. As a belated gift I recommend you all mosey over to her blog for a bit food, music and humanity. She’s easily one of my faves! Happy birthday.

matt :

Why do you blog?

Matt…you’re actually asking a question about blogging? What do you think this is?

Since I’m on this whole ‘honesty’ kick, I will tell you that I originally started blogging solely due to peer pressure from Miss French Rangoon. By “peer pressure” I mean that she so totally like had a blog, and I was, like, so totally jealous. So I started a blog. And here we are. Now I blog because I just can’t stop. I’ve always enjoyed writing and having this website. That, coupled with the feedback and support I get from you all, has done everything to solidify in my mind that I want….to….write… As a career. Oh God. I’m destined to a life of poverty.

bex Says:

Have you ever made a sex tape? (regret the Q&A yet?) (that last one was rhetorical.)

Bex, are you hitting on me? Alas, I have not made a sex tape. While I’m comfortable enough naked to have sex I don’t really feel like watching myself have sex. But I might be persuaded to change my mind, say for…..$27 million. Since I don’t anticipate anyone paying that, I don’t see myself in any danger of having to actually go through with that.

mama’s losin’ it Says:

What do you look like naked? Just kidding. DON’T answer that.

Hey, thanks for that.

How many kids do you want and do you realize what they will do to your almost non existent sex life?

Now that I’ve finished hyperventilating out of anxiety in regard to your question, I will answer it by saying that I have yet to honestly decide if I will ever have children. Babies don’t like me, I think because they sense fear. Yes, I am scared of babies. They terrify me. Every once in awhile I will see a cute baby and think, “Awww! I totally want that!” Then, it catches me looking at it and bursts into a fit of screaming and tears. However, if we’ve learned anything, it’s than I’m an incredibly indecisive human being and I could be persuaded to change my mind. I’m just learning to finally take care of myself, I can’t imagine being responsible for the life of a baby. Not for a few years, that’s for sure.

What do you miss most about Wisconsin and will you ever move back?

Kimmers asked a similar question: Are you now in LA for life, or do you hope to live anywhere else in the future… and if so, where?

I miss my family the most. My family and friends. Wisconsin is where I grew up, so for that reason I will always hold it in high regards. It’s where I’m from and you can’t forget where you’re from. It’s a big part of who I am. With that said, I never see myself living there again. At least not probably. However, I DO want to eventually return to the Midwest and settle in the Minneapolis area. I need to be closer to my family, but I also need the city.